What your body language reveals
Picture this… It’s Sunday afternoon and your neighbour has dropped in for a cup of tea. You’ve chatted, but now it’s getting late and all you can think about is putting the dinner on, getting the kids ready for the week ahead and enjoying your Sunday evening at home.
Without being rude, how do you get your guest to leave? Believe it or not, you can use your body language to get the message across and influence the behaviour of others. “In that situation, you can simply turn your body towards the door as you are chatting,” says body language expert Allan Pease. “Your guest will unconsciously do the same and, inevitably, a few minutes later will start making moves to leave.”
Pease says ‘foot pointing’ is one of the most common body language signals – and one of the easiest to read. “Basically the lower torso points in the direction that your mind would like to be travelling,” he explains. “Our hips are used in mobility to direct us to where we want to go. If you’d like to be heading out the door, your hips will point there and your foot becomes kind of like an arrow.”
David Alssema, another body language expert, says foot pointing is a great way to find out what people are interested in. “If a person’s feet are pointing towards another person, that person is indicating they are either interested in that person or the conversation they’re having. A great way to find out who the ringleader of a group is to look at the group’s feet. The one in charge will have most of the group’s feet pointing towards them.”
What you’re saying when you’re not saying a thing
According to Pease, body language – or non-verbal cues – makes up 60 to 80 per cent of the messages being sent to the other person when we’re having a conversation with someone.
“Most of us have absolutely no idea what we’re doing with our hands or body while we’re speaking to someone,” says Pease.
For example, a non-verbal cue such as touching your face excessively can indicate you’re not telling the truth, while crossing your arms can be perceived as an attempt to put a barrier between yourself and the person you’re talking to.
If you want to display positive body language, a good place to start – especially in social situations – is with body language mirroring. “Mirroring another person’s body language and speech patterns builds rapport quickly,” says Pease.
“In a new meeting with someone, mirror their sitting position, posture, body angles, gestures, facial expressions and tone of voice. Before long, they’ll start to feel that there’s something about you they really like – they’ll describe you as easy to be with.”
How to read others
Reading the body language of people you meet isn’t as easy as just looking at where their hips are pointing or how often they touch their face.
“Learning how to read someone’s body language is a skill, and like any skill you have to take time out to practise it,” says Pease. “The best way to practise is to watch TV with the sound turned off. When the sound is on, your brain focuses on what you can hear and you miss the non-verbal cues.”
Alssema says to bear in mind the context of what the person is saying, the environment and even cultural considerations. “Many cultures avoid eye contact out of respect, so it can be difficult to apply the typical connotations to certain behaviours in people,” he says.
Pease says one of the most common things people want to learn is how to tell if someone is lying to them. “When people are not telling the truth, they tend to reveal it in a number of ways,” he says. The first thing is that we lean in towards people and things we like, but if you’re lying straight out to someone you lean back, and when you’re trying to get them to go along with something you’re saying, that’s when you lean in. “Secondly, you’ll see a lot of ‘covering’ gestures, such as folding their arms when they’re making a statement and an increase in hand-face contact – particularly around the nose.
“The average social gazing time in Australia is 66 per cent, so when two people are talking they will look towards each other two-thirds of the time and away one-third. But when they’re lying it’s the other way around – they look away, generally towards the floor, two-thirds of the time.”
Signs to look out for
Alssema has decoded five common signals for us. Which ones can you spot next time you’re talking to someone?
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Looking up: This signal can be decoded in several ways. For example, if a person is accessing information to answer a question or conduct a conversation and they move their eyes upwards, it may mean they are visually remembering or constructing the answer. Eyes glancing upward will help to access visual images or experiences. But, if the person is looking up and around with their head slightly tilted, it can also communicate boredom.
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Scratching nose: A person scratching their nose can signify many things. However, if the action is accompanied by other signals such as not retaining eye contact, hesitating or other ‘lying’ signals, it can illustrate that the person may not be telling the truth.
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Tilting head: A person’s head tilt can be read in many different ways, depending on their facial expressions. A standard head tilt can signify listening if the person’s ear is pointed towards the speaker. A downwards head tilt with the eyes looking upward indicates seduction. If a person maintains a straight posture but has their head held high, this may indicate dominance or arrogance. A head held at a normal straight level generally indicates assertiveness, whereas a head tilted downward can signal submissiveness, or a shy/humble attitude.
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Flicking hair: Flicking hair communicates many things. It could be as simple as a bad haircut that is getting in the person’s way or it could be a nervous behaviour that many people are unaware they even do. Flicking hair or twirling hair can be read as a sign of flirting or seductive nature, so beware of its use.
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Legs apart: Confidence can be communicated by someone taking up more personal space. Sitting with one’s legs apart can illustrate an Alpha-type or confident attitude. The crotch display is one that many males will show to illustrate their strong male attitude and confidence or competitiveness. Many western movies will have cowboys standing with their legs apart to demonstrate a strong male image, or alternatively with their hands on either side of their crotch. Generally, people who stand with their legs apart are demonstrating dominance and power.